Has anyone read Miguel Ruiz’s, The Four Agreements?

I find myself still pulling from his philosophy even ten years after reading the book.

I remember how hard it was to put some of these ideas into practice.

 

My Reality, Your Reality

Our environment, experiences and how we view the world shape our realities. So what is real to me may contradict with your experiences. With that in mind, we must respect ‘perspective’ without judgment and without minimizing the voice of those who see things differently than we do.

 

This is exactly why I take the opinion of others with a grain a salt. There was a time when the opinions of others really mattered to me, occasionally they still do but not like they used to. It’s not personal, it’s your opinion.

Basing his philosophy on ancient Toltec wisdom Miguel Ruiz said it best in his book, The Four Agreements.

The Four Agreements are:

1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

 

Agreement two, don’t take anything personally, is the one I had always seemed to grapple with. I would even take personally those things that affect me indirectly.

One thing I’d ask myself, being a person of color, should I take my neighbors racism personally?  Does the hatred in the next man’s heart, the ignorance in their head, or the fear in their mind have anything to do with me, or any one individual for that matter? Personally, as I see it, I am a remnant of a whole. As I grew, I began to realize we are all remnants of a whole. So we should all be advocates for change. Yet, at the same time we should understand that “ism’s” stem from lies, dysfunction, fears and generalizations plastered in the head of those not willing to change; it’s their junk.

Sadly, racism (as well as any ism) has negative consequences on us all. Like a gas, when you release gases into the air we all breath it in, but you can only hold your breath for so long before it affects you too.

Here is how dictionary (dot com) defines the term: ‘taking a matter personally’ as if intended for or directed at one’s own person: to take someone’s comments personally.  You are convinced that someone’s actions or behavior are because of you.

That’s a lot to take on! Whew, with all the hurt that goes on with people, we do save ourselves a lot of heartache and grief by not taking anything personally.

Well, the question arises, doesn’t our response from taking it personal turn to passion, then drive, then action? For example, a person who witnesses the destruction of alcoholism or abuse later becomes an advocate for children who have self-destructive parents. Maybe at some point in this person’s life they took the maltreatment of their parent personally. As they matured they realized that their parents dysfunction had nothing to do with them. The parent was operating from his/her own personal pain. The drinking was a response to hurt or fear.

The behavior and opinions of people is a reflection of themselves; we all have biases. We all have our own junk to tend to.

So I ask myself, when should I take things personally? Never or hardly ever!  Turn your passion for change, your philosophy, your awakening or what have you into ACTION, but never take the dysfunction, confusion, ignorance, hurt or pain of the next man personally.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Four-Agreements-Practical-Personal-Freedom/dp/1878424319